I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
