ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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