just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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