My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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