The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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