Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize