my shit smells like andre
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There r osticjed everywhere
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
