Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
