It's like a parade of train wrecks.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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