Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
