Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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