did you get engaged???
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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