i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize