You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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