my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
