I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
