So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
