when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
the raccoons are back...
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