Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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