We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
