trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
