I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize