I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize