it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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