names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
