god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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