roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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