so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
as a side note pls kill me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
