this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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