Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
