FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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