the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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