recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
