I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
