is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
