My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
