he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you had me at cake vodka
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
