dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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