I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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