Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
