I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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