You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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