You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
