He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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