fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Pooping to opera.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
