Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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