I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
