I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
barbara walters just said penis...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
