I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
