im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
