So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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