I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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