I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
