What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize