if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
