He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
