The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
