Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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