the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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