I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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