I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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