last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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